My excuse is; I was only watching it because a friend was nominated. By lunchtime I knew he hadn't won, but we decided to go to his sister's house to watch the awards anyway.
Without further ado, here are my awards for this year's Oscars:
Best Performance by Banquo's Ghost
Michael Moore
Most in need of a good feed and a slap
Renee Zellweger
Best Reason for Limiting Speech Time
Nicole Kidman
Worst Reason for Limiting Speech Time
The Visual Effects Guys from LOTR: The Two Towers and Adrian Brody (tie)
The Can't Believe They're Still Alive award
Olivia De Havilland and Michael Moore
The Laughing in the face of proposed murder award
The audience, after their response to Steve Martin's jocular reference
to the teamsters helping Michael Moore into the trunk of his limo (the
joke was funny, the response was chilling.)
Worst-maintained Fixed Smile
Julia Robert's when she realised she would be sitting next to old, ugly
people
Most In Need of a High School Education
Cameron Diaz acting like a bored 12 year old as if she was auditioning
for the next Roman Polanski film
Most Mixed Signals Award
Booing a political activist and cheering and applauding a statutory
rapist (sorry, got confused myself, Jack Nicholson didn't win, did he?)
And in other news, we find out why Steve Martin's quips were funnier than usual
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